It is an Opportunity

As I put the finishing pieces into my suitcase, I prepare for one of the biggest opportunity thus far in my life.

So today is the “Opportunity Eve” for what is to come. Back in April I was offered a great opportunity to work with ESPN at the 2018 Little League World Series. Tomorrow I leave and will not return until the end of this month.

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Now I know what you are thinking..”Why the hell would you not be super excited for an experience like this?” I am excited but knowing the person I am, I always overthink things. I am nervous.

Being away from my norm for such a long period of time kind of scares me. I want to succeed so I take every opportunity possible to better my future, so this was a no brainer.  I just worry that I won’t like it and miss home (my norm).

From what I know as an ESPN Runner, I will be basically an additional set of hands all around. Anything they need me to do or go, I do. From cleaning up trash, to filling ice, to picking up celebrities, I am there to do whatever.

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Everyone I have spoken to tells me this event is so much fun to work and everyone is so great to work with. The atmosphere is very laid back and happy! They said that a lot of nights we will all go out for drinks and dinner together and just enjoy the whole experience.

So the question is, why am I so nervous? Maybe because I don’t know what to expect. I don’t technically know what to bring to wear. I was told T-shirts, shorts and capris but come on, that can mean so much. I bought a raincoat today because it looks like the first whole week it is suppose to rain. I also have the issue where I am super health conscious. I don’t like to eat greasy foods or anything bad for you so that limits my options at a ballpark. Can I bring things to eat? I guess we will see…

In all, I will definitely have to comeback and tell you all the aftermath of this experience. Not only could I end up having the time of my life but it could open a ton of doors for me. I am battling a lot of emotions here at home so I am looking forward to getting away from the crazy and just focusing on myself.

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The A Word

A close friend once told me, the power of words is endless. I couldn’t agree more and not only does the power of words soar but also does the knowledge from experience. I tell you this.

I hate showing weakness. I am someone who hides my emotions when they show any form of vunerability. I don’t allow myself to break. As you can imagine, with that comes a ton of things I bottle up. From happy memories, to sad, to hurtful things, to brokenness. I hide it all.

This is where that dreadful “A word” comes into play…Anxiety. I share this with you today because I am sure someone out there experiences the same things as me. Anxiety isn’t a disease, it is something I feel is more of a curse. The curse of caring to much… I know from my own experience that my heart is huge. I care so much about the people around me that sometime I even forget to stop and think about myself and what makes me happy. Have you ever actually sat and thought– What makes me happy?

With that question comes a lot more questions…

  • Am I really in a position that I truly want?
  • Am I being fair to those around me?
  • Am I being honest with myself?

This then causes me to feel a ton of weight on my shoulders. I don’t want to lose a part of me, getting caught up in my own emotional thoughts. This morning, weakness peaked through, out of no where. With no warning what so ever, I lost it. I completely broke. In an instance, I went from smiling to bawling my eyes out. The saddest part was, I couldn’t even put into words how or what I felt. I didn’t understand. I’m sure the person sitting next to me thought I was a freak. (LOL) It was in that moment that I realized, I am holding way more than I can handle.

The next step? I am not really sure honestly. Now I don’t want people reading this to worry about my mental state. I am ok. I battle this every couple of months. I am not a depressed person. I am actually a very positive person but with that said, I think the stress can get to me sometimes and cause me to spiral downward.  I think what is next is allowing myself to take the personal time I need to understand what my heart really wants in life. I think I need to take a step back and really focus on me.

First, I need to figure out how to stop thinking about everyone else and how to focus on myself. Please feel free to comment and contact me to discuss anything similar to this topic. I love any and all feedback.

As you can see, this is the only place I allow myself to be weak.

PHILLY PHILLY

Welcome to the home of the Superbowl Champions, The Philadelphia Eagles!

A statement and title that’ll never get old here in the Pennsylvania area.  I am from New Jersey (South Jersey) which makes me an Eagles fan.

Two weekends ago I went to a Kenny Chesney concert at Lincoln Financial Field, the actual home of the Philadelphia Eagles. In the stadium, there was definitely a new energy since the Superbowl. Even though we weren’t there for a football game, you could still feel a change in the atmosphere. A sense of accomplishment that each individual person held within them.

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Towards the end of the concert Kenny Chesney himself brought out a ton of the Eagles players on the stage to congratulate them. This right there is a great representation of Philadelphia. We are the home of brotherly love. We love and hate whole-hearted, no matter the circumstances.

Passion- strong and barely controllable emotion.

I am lucky. I work for a retired Philadelphia Eagles quarterback. With that being said, can you imagine the excitement in our workplace during the Eagles season and the festivities after?

What an exciting time to be a part of. My parents always said, “Enjoy it, because you never know if you’ll end up seeing another Superbowl win.” I am very lucky, in my lifetime so far (22 years) I have seen a Superbowl Win and also a World Series victory of the Philadelphia Phillies.

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What a time to be alive.

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The Question: What’s Next?

Remember when you were in grade school and it felt like you would be in school for FOREVER! Who knew forever had an ending… This past May I graduated from my final year of college. I received a Bachelors Degree in Public Relations. Basically, that means I am a good writer and communicator. I learned the ins and outs of understanding people and knowing how to best reach certain audiences.

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In college I learned a ton about my field but I also learned a ton of life lessons. As a past post explained, I learned about support and friendships and how important they are to your personal growth. I learned about failure and what that means on a day to day basis. I also learned that life is a struggle. You battle and battle and sometimes even though you are battling, you may not accomplish exactly what you would like. It is about determination and the motivation to keep going.

 So, What’s Next?– This question haunts me. I don’t really know what is next. Does anyone? We learn all these lectures and lessons about life and yet we get out of college feeling like floundering fish.

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I’m optimistic that I will make something of myself. I take on any opportunity that presents itself to me in hopes to move forward. I won’t lie, it is terrifying not knowing what is next or how long it’ll take but I think if you believe in yourself and your own success, you will get to where you are going.

To anyone in a similar situation, don’t panic. Life isn’t always what you think it is going to be after college. You don’t always jump right into your dream job. You actually don’t always receive calls for interviews either but you will make it. We all do. It is all just part of the journey.

The Bathing Suit Picture

Okay, call me old fashion but don’t you hate bathing suit pics? I find these sort of pics so cliche to this generation. I am no where near a feminist but the way these images all over the internet portray women, kills me.  Ask yourself this, why do us (females) take bathing suit pics? Most the time we are standing or sitting up as straight as possible, sucking it in and hoping that no one sees that slight dent in you lower thigh. The picture then follows with a ton of editing off some photo editor app. At this point is the image actually the real you at this point?

The answer, Attention. Females do it for attention. Now I won’t lie to you, I have been that girl. I took pics in my bathing suit and posted them on all of my social media outlets. Why? Well, just like any girl, I wanted to be that person. I wanted guys to notice me. Looking back, this theory that the only way to get attention is to pose like that KILLS ME.

I blame the media for this theory. Now I’m not saying all bathing suit pics are bad. You know the ones I am talking about, chest and/or butt hanging out, mainly more skin than fabric. It is sad when I see young girl posing like Sports Illustrated models on their personal Instagram accounts. Like why? You can’t tell me “… because I am proud of my body”  If you were so proud of your image you wouldn’t be editing your pictures so much.

 Respect– Respect yourself and your body.

I was recently triggered which brought about this post.  I recently saw a post from a 15-year-old girl that I am very close to. I’ve watched her grow up. I have always tried to be a positive female role model in her life. She posted “that” bathing suit pic. Sitting on a float, chest hanging out, that “I’m lost” stare into the camera. (You know the one I am talking about) My blood boiled and it still continues to do so.

YOU ARE 15. At fifteen I was playing wiffle ball out back and going to school dances and walking the boardwalk with Justice clothes on. Why does this generation of young women grow up so quickly.

It is truly sad that these young females grow up in a world where the more skin you show, the more accepted you are. Again a lot of this in my personal opinion but this sickens me. Let’s go back to a time when women were respectful of themselves and their bodies. No one needs to expose themselves for attention.

 

Credit Well Deserved

Let me start with this, as mentioned before, I kind of always felt different. I was almost way to mature for my age. People would laugh at stupid silly stuff and I would just never understand the humor behind it.

When I was younger, just like any normal young girl, I alway wanted to fit in. I wanted to be that so called “popular.”  I remember trying to wear my makeup like those girls or dress like those girls but every time I tried, it was like my brain would not allow me to fall into their shadow. I couldn’t follow those people because I wasn’t born to be a follower. Looking back now I laugh at the girl (I thought) I wanted to be. I wanted to fit in because I never felt like myself was good enough…

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It wasn’t until my junior year of college that I can really say I found myself. Have you ever loved something or someone? That intense appreciation for that thing or person that just makes you realize how lucky you are. These people in my life (you know who you are) they mean so much to me. They believed in me before I believed in myself. They taught me self worth and honestly. They became a family to me.

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To my friends, especially the selected few (you know who you are) thank you! Thank you for always believing in me and pushing me to be the best that I can be. If it wasn’t for you all, I don’t know who I would be. You helped me find myself and find out who I wanted to become. You taught me that, yeah maybe I am different but that’s okay because so are all of you. I am so truly blessed to have such a close knit group of friends that share the same motivation and drive as myself.

To all those reading this, find that solid support system. Life isn’t easy but you are one of the lucky ones if you find a foundation like mine. I am so so appreciative of every single one of them. The best part is, I can honestly say for the first time in a while, I don’t think I will ever lose them.

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I love you.

xoxo -CBKMRCSN

The Foundation

In my blog, I am going to be honest.

In this blog I will admit things and attack certain subjects.

Why write? I always felt I had a story to tell. From a young age I knew I was different. No, not the awkward kind of different. More like, I looked at the world differently than everyone else. The things I find important may be little specs of dust to others. I always felt I had a story to tell, it just took me time to find that voice to tell it.

I am not always politically correct. Truthfully, I am not a huge fan of this society and generation we grow up in. Recently (about an hour ago) something truly sparked my attention that got me thinking about this story of mine. How to share it, how to go about telling it.

In my blog, I will touch on my own fitness journey, new found confidence and the struggles that go along with it. I will talk about support systems and how important it is to surround yourself with positive energy. I will also talk about today’s society and how it has transformed the normality of young people growing up. Finally I will touch on self worth and how the media plays a crucial role in just that.

 

Thanks so much for your interest in my blog and all comments and questions are always welcome.

God Bless!